


Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star

by Jules_Tenebra



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Couting stars, Hint to child abuse, Hot Cocoa, Italian Tony & Maria, M/M, Other avengers are just mentioned in passing, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, messy timeline (aka there's no exact timeline ops), pre-slash?, tw suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-09-30 23:03:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17232812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jules_Tenebra/pseuds/Jules_Tenebra
Summary: Twinkle, twinkle, little starSo small up in the skyYou shine, shine above usHow I wonder what you areTwinkle, twinkle, little starNow you are much closer.Or, that one night when Bucky wasn't as alone as he thought.





	Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to thank Flameskywolf and Winteriron-Trash (Gothic_Lolita) for Beta-ing, you guys rock and ily.

With many sleepless nights, Bucky had become very acquainted with the sky that rose above the Avengers compound. Knew almost every inch of the endless blue that circled him and counted every star he could see so that his mind would also rise above the memories that circled him.

 

(Sometimes, Bucky wondered if remembering was really worth it.)

 

So he would lay on the concrete floor of the rooftop, his arms as his own pillows, nothing like the silk that rested in his new bed (he still wasn't used to such luxury after years and years of being treated like a starving dog), and would empty his mind counting stars, staring at the moon and wondering if tomorrow was really worth it.

 

(He might have thought about jumping one too many times, of pulling the trigger. He knew it wouldn't be enough to kill him. Nowadays nothing seemed enough.)

 

At night the compound was as quiet as a cemetery. There was no Steve looking at him with expectant eyes, no Natasha staring with a little too much glare for it to be anything but a challenge, no Tony with his too brown eyes that Bucky shouldn't find so sweet. No anyone. Just the moon, a few stars and the silence.

 

Bucky was used to being alone (and cold and hurt and empty), but he still felt loneliness. It was something he never really got used to. The empty feeling inside his ribcage, near his heart, choking him from inside. There were vague memories of bombs and missing a silhouette of a young girl. But memories hurt, remembering hurt. And he knew whoever it was he was used to missing had long since gone. (Like everyone.)

(Everyone but Steve.)

 

So he couldn't help but startle when he heard small, soft footsteps coming from behind him. His back straightened, ready for attack, but a voice still rough from sleep calmed him.

 

“Don't worry, snowflake, it's just me,” the resident genius muttered, and when Bucky turned his neck to stare at him, the older man had his hands raised in surrender, both holding mugs of something warm. “I've brought hot cocoa. Didn't know if you enjoyed it, but eh, guess it's worth a try.” He smiled, eyes crinkled and Bucky felt something melt a little inside of him.

 

“Mind if I sit with you?” Tony asked, pointing with a mug at the free space beside the Winter Soldier. Bucky shrugged in answer, he was okay with being alone, but maybe someone's company ( _Tony’s company_ ) wouldn't hurt.

 

“It's your compound,” Bucky said, voice rough from not being really used (and from screaming himself hoarse because of nightmares. Soundproofing walls were a blessing).

 

“Oh! He speaks!” Tony laughed, making himself comfortable on the hard floor and putting down one of the mugs beside Bucky’s head, this one had the same style of his metal arm and the soldier couldn't help but feel more of his eternal cold melt, seeing something made just for him. “Also, this is not _my_ compound. As per contract it is the Avengers Compound, not mine nor SI’s.” He sipped carefully on the still hot beverage, letting out a soft sigh as the cocoa warmed his cold body. “You should drink your cocoa before it gets cold, I don't make my special hot cocoa for just anyone.” A smug grin on a handsome face was what greeted Bucky as he stared at Tony, not knowing exactly how to react.

 

It took a few moments of silence before Bucky finally rose from his lying position and sat cross-legged beside Tony, carefully grabbing the still warm mug. He took a sip, hesitant. His still blurry memories couldn't remind him if he ever tasted hot cocoa before, but as he had his first taste, he knew that even if he had drunk it before, nothing compared to the one he was drinking now.

 

“Good right? It was my mom's recipe.” the sweet now tasted bitter and Bucky had trouble swallowing. He then opened his mouth, words still as hard as the first time he tried them.

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

And just like that the spell between them broke, the comfortable feeling both were sharing. And Bucky sunk into himself, words once again stuck.

 

“You don't have to apologize, James.” With the usage of his first name (for the first time in how many decades?), Bucky couldn't help but shiver, turning his head just to see the look in Tony's eyes, just as his own blue ones widened in something akin to fear. Some would be afraid of a beast cornered, as Bucky now was, but Tony, with his weary eyes, could only see a wounded animal, still afraid of its own shadow.

 

“You don't have to apologize anymore,” he repeated, “I've forgiven you, James. Does it still hurt to think of her? To remember the look in her eyes as she choked? _Yes, it does_. But it wasn't completely your fault, James. Your hands did the killing but your mind wasn't willingly. So yes, I've blamed you once, but that's a mistake I won't make again.” He took another sip of his cocoa with a watery smile, “I don't want to remember her as her last moments, I want to remember her by the happy memories. A recipe of hot cocoa, a lullaby she used to sing.”

 

Tony rose his free hand, cold from the winter night, and rested it gently on Bucky’s cheek, as the younger man tried to calm his beating heart and the hope that was blossoming in his chest, “Did you know she used to sing?” Bucky shook his head, careful so the hand wouldn't stop touching him, Hydra didn't see hobbies as useful knowledge, so he didn't know the likes and disliked of his marks (his victims). He didn't know what to think of it either.

 

“She used to sing me the Italian version of twinkle, twinkle, little star. Mind if I sing it? I'm feeling a little nostalgic.”

 

“Please,” was the only word Bucky could muster, his voice still hoarse, even more so now as he choked down all he was feeling. Heart blossoming at the open vulnerability the genius was showing him. Had anyone else heard Maria’s song beside him? Would anyone?

 

And as Bucky’s mind and heart raced, Tony took a deep breath and started to sing, his voice deep and soft at the same time, his eyes closed, remembering the warmth of his mother's voice filling him after Howard went a little too far, far too many times.

 

_Brilla brilla una stellina_   
_Su nel cielo piccolina._   
_Brilla brilla sopra noi,_   
_Mi domando di chi sei._   
_Brilla brilla la stellina,_ _  
_Ora tu sei più vicina

 

The Winter Soldier saw as Tony slowly got closer to him, as the Italian flowed out of his lips, soon their foreheads were touching, and Bucky couldn't help the shaky breath he took as the song reached its end and Tony opened his eyes, brown and oh so soft.

 

“Do you know why I like the Italian version of this song more so than the English one? Because it tells me I got close to the star in the end.” Tony smiled once more, his eyes crinkled. “Twinkle, twinkle, little star, now you are much closer.” he muttered against Bucky’s lips, their foreheads still resting against one another and Tony’s hand still on Bucky’s cheek. “We should get inside, I'll make you some more hot cocoa, how about it?”

 

And he took his hand away again, and Bucky lost his warmth. And for a second, he was scared that he would never feel it again, until he looked up and saw Tony above him, his hand raised in his direction, waiting for him to grab it.

 

And as the warmth of that hand lifted him up, Bucky couldn't help but think to himself, and the stars and the moon and the silence.

  
Maybe tomorrow ( _and the day after, and the day after that_ ) was really worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a part of Captain Handsome's Holiday Exchange 2018  
> (Hope you guys enjoyed it! :D)


End file.
